So……
I was recently asked to share my testimony about God’s faithfulness through fertility issues and miscarriage…
Honestly, I didn’t feel like it.
It’s painful. It’s vulnerable. It’s not a happy topic.
While I have shared these deep scars with other sisters in private, it’s not something I have ever done “publicly.”
Partly, it is because both topics are extremely sensitive and unique to each Sister who walks through either.
Length of time and methods of trying to conceive…
Whether or not those efforts result in a sustained pregnancy…
Did you decide to tell others or keep it private? I am a FIRM believer that each woman must decide for herself the path to healing that is best for HER.
No two ways of healing are the same, nor should they be.
So, here it goes…
I have a long history of severe endometriosis. I had multiple surgeries, numerous hormone treatments, did the all natural route. You name it, I tried it.
As a couple, my husband and I decided that we would only go as “far” as our insurance allowed … which was basically nothing.
So after a year of trying to conceive, and several early losses, we decided to pursue adoption. Wouldn’t you know it! I got pregnant.
But… there was lots of bleeding and I was told I very well may be losing that baby.
I was a nervous wreck to say the least. The pregnancy was not the joyful time I had looked forward to. Life was hitting hard in all realms. My existence at that time can be summed up in one word- survival.
I was also struggling with guilt… over all the kids that were up for adoption, other girls I knew who were struggling to get pregnant and weren’t, …..
I went on to have 4 babies with no complications. I then conceived again and lost that baby….
And then conceived again a few weeks later- my youngest child, Carlos.
Through it all, God never left my side. He mourned WITH me. He held me close throughout all the disappointments and unanswered questions, the raging and ever changing mood swings, the wringer my body had been through…
I don’t know where you are. Maybe you can relate to my story, maybe you are in the midst of a loss right now. Maybe you are longing for a baby. Sister, He is there. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, He is.
Those babies that have gone on before us are in the arms of Jesus. I like to picture my MomMom and PopPop spoiling my babies that I will see one day.
I don’t have any amazing Words of comfort other than you are not alone. God sees, God hears, and God cares. Let Him in and allow the healing to begin.
