I believe that as moms we miss or do not realize our son’s need for respect very early in their boyhood. We often talk about how we want our sons to respect our authority. While this is definitely important and should be the case, it is equally important for moms to show their sons respect—nurturing them comes naturally but giving our respect comes much harder. This is especially true when our sons do not show us the respect we deserve as their parents. A major event happening in your teenage son’s life is puberty. It was one of the toughest things emotionally for me as a mom since I left my son crying in his classroom on the first day of kindergarten. There is a sense of loss we feel along with this change in our sons. The reading of books to my son stopped abruptly, needing me to comfort him when he was hurt and the sense of belonging to me quickly faded away.
After my mentor explained the male’s need for respect to me, I realized I needed to relate with my son in a different way. My mentor explained that starting around the age of twelve boys think they are men and so they start to develop egos. The male ego must be handled with care and this is through respect.
Did you know the number one need of a man is respect? Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our young sons are growing into manhood.
Males are different from females. Most females want to be liked and socially accepted but males want to be respected. This difference can cause a clash between a mother and her son when a mom is looking for respect from their son and is not receiving it.
I think the respect issue is one of the reasons I have had difficulty connecting with my son. I am frequently correcting him. When he was younger, I disciplined him and too often it was out of frustration and anger. I don’t mean that I beat him–fussing felt like a natural response. As kids get older particularly in their adolescent years we have to learn how to work with them. Our sons want more respect out of our relationship and our relationship with them will most likely improve when they get it.
For those of you who have adult sons, it’s not too late for you to start doing this. Instead of badgering and trying to get my son to understand why his decisions are foolish, I am changing my approach by saying I respect….(make it personal to his situation). I expect new fruit and healing for myself and to offer it to other moms.
God has created us uniquely. When men feel respected, they show love and when women feel loved they show respect. Consequently, the reverse is also true. When men feel disrespected, they are less likely to show love and when women feel unloved, they are less likely to show respect. In order for our relationship with our son to be a positive one, we need to be willing to show them respect whether they deserve it or not. Eventually, as they feel respected, they will rise to the challenge and will become young men who are worthy of our respect.
Also, if we want our sons to be grateful then we have to model gratitude in front of them. Let your son hear you pray. Let them see you reading the Bible. Let them see you praise God, even if everything is going terrible in your life— let them see you give God praise in the midst of your hardships. Remember more is caught than taught. We need to model being grateful to our sons.
As a mother, will you apply “respect” in your communication with your son—no matter what his age?
Watch how he responds.
Although I don’t have sons this was interesting and informative. Thanks for sharing.
I have just one child, an adult son. I wrote from my personal experience but I think even moms with daughters can learn from this. Thank you so much for reading!
Yes some things can still apply to daughters too. You’re welcome!
I don’t have sons either but this is a very informative and educational post. 👌🏾
Thank you for stopping by and reading! I’m glad you were able to learn from this.😁
Respect is an important love language for most men. I will keep this in mind as I raise my son.
It is important. Respect is one of the top “needs” of a man, not a want but a need. This also transcends into marriage. A man needs his woman to respect his judgement, respect his abilities, respect publicly and respect in communication.
Definitely. I agree.
I am a 21 year old mother of a baby girl BUT I feel like this is so important for all children no matter their age. Showing respect begets respect. I love your post because I see myself trying to use the wisdom I have received and instill it in my child and future children. As well as respect my child/children because they are just as important as me for they are child of God too.
Thank you so much for reading Ricky! I don’t have a daughter, I have a 20 year old son. But, I have brothers. Moms are more critical of their daughters than their sons. There was a study done that said moms have a stronger bond with their sons than with their daughters and describe their daughters as “stubborn.” The results were that the daughters deal with more self-critical issues.
I love my mom but in trying not to follow her parenting ways I feel I went way too far the other way, I was either too hard or not hard enough in some incidents. Another thing as moms that we do and I’m guilty is beating ourselves up. We naturally parent out of our nature and nurture instead of grace and biblical rebuke, that’s why it is so important to seek wisdom from the Holy Spirit and have a spiritual mentor.
Personally I was raised by very strict old school bible thumping Christian grandparents. Which was fine for me but for my child, like yourself, I decided to raise her in a different way. I will try to honor my child the best I can without spoiling her the wrong way or being too harsh on her like my parents were with me. I helped raise my nephew so I know boys tend to be closer to their mothers then girls but I hope to instill trust and the lord in my child to know that she can always come to me for comfort and truth without being beaten down and belittled.
I am trying to keep up with your posts you and a couple others I read up on are so powerful in spirit and words. For me it’s a breath of fresh air and makes me feel a little more secure in what I do.
I understand. I was raised in a family of strong opinionated and controlling women. It’s been difficult for me to not be controlling, it was my nature and nuture. The very I hate I found myself doing a lot of times I was unaware that I was doing it. As I began to seek the Lord for wisdom
He showed me that I can’t be a dictator, yes my son should respect me but learning how to work work with him, disclpling out of grace, love and godly wisdom is equally important. It’s not about making him submit to me and listen, it’s helping him to make wise choices, teach him the Word. He has free will I can only guide him, his choices are up to him. I’m a prayer warrior. I believe that is the most powerful thing I can do, especially now that he’s 20.
Thank you so much for following my blog. I pray you are blessed and strengthed!
PS. In all honesty it’s up to us as mothers to change and parent the way we see fit even if it’s not how our parents raised us. Your doing your best, raising your child is forever not just 18 years it will be hard but your his mom you know what’s best for him and will always mean the best for him.
I respect your viewpoint.
Parenting at 18 and beyond becomes different, the dynamics of our relationship changes. I’m no longer “rasing” my son, my role now becomes like a coach. I’ve had to release him from my worries of what I think constitutes what’s right him and place him lovingly in the hands of the Father as I trust God with his life as well as my own, all will be well.
I’ve never thought of it like that but when you put it that way it makes more sense. There’s a saying that goes “You can’t raise a grown man” and I think you just explained that saying in your own words so well.
Very informative and key!. Thanks for stating this ma’am. Knowing that there is a need to learn to observe and allow them to make their decisions is key. I think it’s even similar for some females. Generally, people at some certain age want to be independent and let them take their decisions themselves rather than being all pushy and wanting your way for them always.
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Thank you for reading! Modern parenting can become troublesome when it comes to managing boundaries. In some households, parents tend to be their child’s friend or allowing them to be “free spirited”, which I don’t endorse or am I advocating. But as parents we should use wisdom and allow our kids to make their own mistakes (we have to know when to help and when to back off) or else they will never learn how to be a functional adult. Although this post isn’t about overprotecting our children I do believe we do our kids an injustice when we do not allow them to learn from their mistakes.
You are welcome. 🤗
Hmmm. True – “knowing when to come in…”. 💯
True. Letting them grow through the processes. I totally agree. 🤗