I believe that as moms we miss or do not realize our son’s need for respect very early in their boyhood. We often talk about how we want our sons to respect our authority. While this is definitely important and should be the case, it is equally important for moms to show their sons respect—nurturing them comes naturally but giving our respect comes much harder. This is especially true when our sons do not show us the respect we deserve as their parents. A major event happening in your teenage son’s life is puberty. It was one of the toughest things emotionally for me as a mom since I left my son crying in his classroom on the first day of kindergarten. There is a sense of loss we feel along with this change in our sons. The reading of books to my son stopped abruptly, needing me to comfort him when he was hurt and the sense of belonging to me quickly faded away.
After my mentor explained the male’s need for respect to me, I realized I needed to relate with my son in a different way. My mentor explained that starting around the age of twelve boys think they are men and so they start to develop egos. The male ego must be handled with care and this is through respect.
Did you know the number one need of a man is respect? Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our young sons are growing into manhood.
Males are different from females. Most females want to be liked and socially accepted but males want to be respected. This difference can cause a clash between a mother and her son when a mom is looking for respect from their son and is not receiving it.
I think the respect issue is one of the reasons I have had difficulty connecting with my son. I am frequently correcting him. When he was younger, I disciplined him and too often it was out of frustration and anger. I don’t mean that I beat him–fussing felt like a natural response. As kids get older particularly in their adolescent years we have to learn how to work with them. Our sons want more respect out of our relationship and our relationship with them will most likely improve when they get it.
For those of you who have adult sons, it’s not too late for you to start doing this. Instead of badgering and trying to get my son to understand why his decisions are foolish, I am changing my approach by saying I respect….(make it personal to his situation). I expect new fruit and healing for myself and to offer it to other moms.
God has created us uniquely. When men feel respected, they show love and when women feel loved they show respect. Consequently, the reverse is also true. When men feel disrespected, they are less likely to show love and when women feel unloved, they are less likely to show respect. In order for our relationship with our son to be a positive one, we need to be willing to show them respect whether they deserve it or not. Eventually, as they feel respected, they will rise to the challenge and will become young men who are worthy of our respect.
Also, if we want our sons to be grateful then we have to model gratitude in front of them. Let your son hear you pray. Let them see you reading the Bible. Let them see you praise God, even if everything is going terrible in your life— let them see you give God praise in the midst of your hardships. Remember more is caught than taught. We need to model being grateful to our sons.
As a mother, will you apply “respect” in your communication with your son—no matter what his age?
Watch how he responds.