Christian Mommas

Psalm 23 and the Ghost in my Nursery

Psalm 23:1 is the little one’s first memory verse. My heart leaps for joy when he recites it. At the moment, he may not understand what he is reciting. In a little while he will understand and I pray that this scripture will become real to him.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. ~ Psalm 23:1

Planting God’s Word via memorization of scriptures is one way to raise God-dependent children. Memorization is one step in. It is one way I am turning my unpleasant experiences into something good for my children. Here is a little bit of my story as shared on my business page:

Baby blues, loneliness, past experiences, and a strong feeling of incompetency almost interfered with my ability to bond with my first little one. I remember not wanting to kiss my first little one before he was taken away for his first major procedure. Giving one’s newborn a kiss should come naturally, but it did not. In that moment I was going to deny my innocent little one a kiss because I was hurting. I was emotionally unprepared for motherhood. Subconsciously, my birth experience and past traumatic experiences were beginning to affect my ability to bond. I feared losing my little one just like I had lost my parents and grandparents. Emotional withdrawal was my coping mechanism. I wanted my little one alive but I did not want to miss him if anything goes wrong. I loved him and desired the best for him, yet I was holding back.

I was holding back because I wanted the little one to be independent and not depend on me. Babies need someone they can consistently depend on, that’s how they truly become independent in a healthy way. When my mother dropped me off at age three to live with my grandfather, I learned to live without her. I learned to live like she did not really exist and I was made to feel like an ungrateful child the only time I ever asked to see my mother. It was as though my need for my mother was suppressed. Subconsciously, I also tried to suppress this need in my little one. I am thankful that God opened my eyes to this ghost in my nursery through education, spiritual and emotional support. This is one reason I am passionate about perinatal education. I provide a space for parents to think about the ghosts in their nurseries and reflect on intergenerational issues that can interfere with healthy parent-child attachment and bonding.

I wrote all that to say this- Instead of raising independent children because of my childhood experience, I am raising God-dependent children. Instead of raising children who are overly dependent on me to compensate for what I lacked in my childhood, I have made a decision to raise God-dependent children. I want my children to know that God is their shepherd and he will always be there for them. God’s eyes will always be there when momma is not there and they will lack nothing because God provides. I pray that my children would grow up knowing God as their source, that mommy and daddy are only channels through which God provides for them.

I look to God’s grace, wisdom and mercy to accomplish my deepest desires.

Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; ~ Psalm 30:11

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. ~ Psalm 118:8

Do you have a similar story? Please share your thoughts.

These resources can help you overcome the ghosts in your nursery

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