The connection of two mothers through adoption is multifaceted, amazing, and full of many emotions. I have experienced open adoption. For those who don’t know, open adoption can initially start as shared photos and letters through an intermediary and sometimes leads to shared identifying information and intertwined lives. It is not a legal contract; it is a heart connection. I have bathed each phone call and letter communication and in-person visit with prayer, asking the Lord to guide the communications. I have been blessed with the same mindset from our three children’s biological families.
It has been a new territory with feelings of joy, fear, peace, and challenging (as our children grieve loss and new beginnings) and, more importantly, love. Today, I reflect on a conversation I shared with each of our children as school-aged peers discuss their thoughts on adoption.
One daughter was 13 years old and returned from school seeking my attention, “Mom, mom, did I tell you adoption came up with my friends this week?” “No,” I responded, “Why, what happened?”
“Well, someone at school was saying that they can’t understand why someone would give up their baby.” She glanced over at me while I continued to drive home. I said nothing allowing her to continue.
She continued, “I said they don’t give up on their kid in adoption. They make a choice to place them up for adoption because they want them to have a better life than they can give. some aren’t ready to be a mom.” She glanced at me again.
The feeling of tenderness came over me as I reached to touch her sweet teenaged face, “How did you feel after you shared, honey?”
“Ok, I guess, it can be hard sometimes, Mom.” she reflected.
“I am sure it is, baby, but you know what I truly believe, that God gives us just the right words to share our experience of adoption right where we are. I have had many opportunities, L. We can educate others, share bits, or choose to be silent and say it’s private because it’s our story. When we chose to educate others, they may have a changed perspective.”
She smiled, saying, “I think you may be right.” I squeezed her hand. ” It took a lot of love for my birth mom to make the hard decision to choose adoption.”
I agreed, ” Yes, L in this world people may feel parenting or abortion are the only options. We must give grace no matter the difficult choice. Adoption is a loving choice; we are blessed that our birth families are well aware of who you are and what is going on in your lives. Your parents through adoption aren’t your Savior; only Jesus can help all of us with our grief, loss, and brokenness.” I reminded L. of our prayers for the family, including biological family matter to God.
I wrote this message to my fellow Sisters in Christ, mothers of our children on a Mother’s Day years past:
Mother’s Day comes again just as it does every year. A day which brings: love, contemplation, grief, and hopelessness to those unable to conceive or who have loss, and deep feelings to those who bless others. Please know each and every Mother’s day our thoughts are on you, and your sacrifice for our benefit. There is no card that expresses how deeply we love you.
Every day we are amazed at your love as we look into the eyes of our children. Watching each one of our blessings grow to become who God plans them to be is a wonderful gift. We share their triumphs and frustrations in knowing no one loves them more than He. It is through the Lord we gain hope and an amazing future. May God bless you and may you feel our love and His love this Mother’s day and every year. We love you beyond all measure. – Mary and Ken
As Mother’s Day approaches, we can reflect on all mothers; biological or adopted, stepmoms or grandmothers are reflections of Jesus. Their influence on a child’s life is immeasurable. They are the first love for their children, caring, compassionate, imperfect, yet when willing to be open to the guidance of Jesus, they are warriors. May this post provide an interesting snapshot of two mothers who love. He will use each of us in a mighty way.