Dealing with Offense

Some of us lash out in anger, internalize negative emotions, or become bitter when dealing with an offense. All of these coping methods or reactions to offense are damaging, and they can cause a myriad of issues that have lasting effects on our life. Our kids are constantly learning from how we face challenges, lead, persevere, and excel.


Consider these when you are offended: Could you possibly have missed pieces of the puzzle? Are you offended because you thought you knew things that you didn’t? Is it possible that your offender was a victim at some point in their life and is unknowingly deflecting their pain on you?

Don’t take offensive actions or behaviors personally because it is not really about you. You are not the problem. You are just the person your offender has decided to project their pain on.


Sometimes we don’t think of our spouses as victims of their past, but most of us are. They may offend us while projecting the pain of their past. So, we must learn to empathize with our spouses and pray blessings over them to create a safe and loving atmosphere where clear communication and growth are welcome. We cannot control the outcome of every situation, so we must not engage in punishing others. Punishment or revenge should not be the goal. Else, we will perpetuate the cycle of pain and remain the victim of that particular toxic cycle.

Offense is a part of our human experience as Christians, and as we learn to overlook them, we will see that God has been molding us to be a reflection of Christ. Only God can save us from ourselves and heal us in the process.  


Pray for those who offend you, and ask God to bless them. It will make it more natural to have good thoughts about them. When we ask God to bless people, He will make things right in their life.

Soften your heart and pray for those that have offended you.

1 Peter 3:9 (AMP) says, “Don’t repay evil for evil or insult for insult but on the contrary give a blessing, for you have been called for this purpose, that you might inherit a blessing.”

Be honest and honorable when dealing with offense. Approach God’s throne with humility and a pure heart. 

Whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him [drop the issue, let it go], so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions and wrongdoings [against Him and others]. Mark 11:25 (AMP)


Author: LaShondra “Shinny” Sutherland

Shinny is a military wife and military momma of a 21-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, with a heart for marriages. She serves in a ministry that provides tools for couples to learn how to do marriage the way God intended it to be. She enjoys traveling around the world and experiencing new cultures and of course the food! She has learned that a deep relationship with God and community will alter your life’s path shaping a better you and ultimately a better marriage. You can connect with Shinny @this_loveworks


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