Motherhood is a joyful experience and life is beautiful. Yet……
Sometimes, I have a heavy heart.
Sometimes, I can feel thick clouds of darkness.
Sometimes, it feels like there is a weight on me.
Sometimes, I feel like crying as I pity myself.
Sometimes, I feel hopeless.
Sometimes, I feel insignificant.
But ALWAYS, God is with me.
As a behavior therapist, I understand that everything happens for a reason and things in the immediate environment (internal and external) serve as stimuli for human behavior. While past events may play a role. Something in the immediate environment often trigger a feeling which manifests in form of a behavior. So, when I feel awful, depressed, etc., I ask myself, “what happened before you felt like crying”.
I will tell you what happens before all these feelings of depression hit: I spend time thinking or meditating on lies and what I do not have. When I have those negative feelings, it is often because I turned to self. It is often because I took my eyes and confidence off my source, God, the one who makes my imperfect life perfect.
To overcome depression, I focus on God. I think about the goodness of God and worship. Sometimes, I don’t feel like doing it. But, I do it anyways. I make myself rejoice in God’s goodness and depression breaks.
Many times, I do not feel like going out, but I do it anyways and it changes my day. I get new ideas and excitement for life. That’s the same approach. I cannot live by my feelings. I rejoice and worship God. Now, I do not only worship to get rid of depression. I worship because that’s what I should be doing every moment of my life, my attention should be on God and stay in a place of constant communion with him.
My human limitation makes focusing on God 24/7 difficult for me. I know what is right but do what is wrong. I meditate of lies instead of God’s word. However, God gives me victory every time.
Romans 7: 22-25 (NIV)
For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Some Christians use those verses as an excuse to continue living in sin, that’s not what it is about. We are humans but God delivers us from a habitually sinful nature. God has given us a standard that He alone can help us live up to. Whether I worship to get free from depression or from a place of love or from a place of I was made to worship, God understands. That’s what grace is all about.
When next you feel overwhelmed, depressed, insignificant, unworthy, and disturbed, try this- FOCUS ON GOD. Set your gaze on him, give him your attention, praise him, worship him, and meditate on his goodness even when you don’t feel him.
The Christian life is not free from trials and human experiences; however, we have been guaranteed victory here on earth and forever! Live victorious! Thrive! Break depression!