Are You Tasting Dirt?

Have you ever been disappointed with God? I have. Have you ever questioned God’s goodness? I have. The pain of an unpleasant birth experience, miscarriage, or the loss of a child can leave the taste of dirt in anyone’s mouth. In the devotional plan below, Sara Hall, a member of the Christian Mommas team teaches us how to deal with seasons of disappointment as she boldly shares her story of disappointment. You will learn how to taste something other than dirt and come out closer to God instead of abandoning your faith.

Here is a preview of Day 1:

Disappointment

My spouse stood outside the bathroom door and asked me, “Are you ok?” We were supposed to be leaving to take our son to vacation Bible school. 

“I think … I definitely … just lost the baby,” I said. 

I was numb for the moment. Well, I did not lose it. It is right here in front of me, I thought to myself. 

My brain’s response to this traumatic delivery threatened to derail all my higher cognitive functions while emphasizing the strangest details. Time felt like it had slowed down. It felt like an hour had passed, but I am sure it was just a moment before my husband asked, “Can I come in, Please?” 

I switched into protection mode as if I could somehow handle this better by focusing on taking care of everyone other than myself. “It’s … I mean … there is a lot of blood, so if you don’t want to see that then, just give me a few minutes to clean up.” 

“I just want to be with you. Please, can I come in?” I hesitated at the thought of my spouse seeing me sitting on the toilet. Immediately, I was annoyed with myself for thinking something like that mattered right now. I mumbled, “Yeah.” He came in and knelt in front of me. I saw his tears. He cupped my hands, which still held our baby in his, and I was undone and completely overwhelmed by the hurt, loss, fear, anger, and desperation. I was lost in my emotions, drowning in my disappointment.  

Disappointment is the emotion we feel when we realize that something we believed to be true is untrue. It is a specific kind of hurt. Disappointment is unexpected because its primary cause is our unmet expectations, resulting in an emotional upheaval similar to whiplash. Suddenly not getting what we planned on raises questions in our hearts. Why? How? Who is responsible for this? It’s like lifting the fork to our mouths expecting cake, but tasting dirt instead!

There are no easy answers to the questions disappointment asks, especially when our first conclusion is that God himself is responsible for the pain. I am not the first person to be disappointed with God, or to wrestle with these questions, or to try to rinse away the grime left by the landslide of emotions disappointment dumps on us. You have felt this too. 

So, would you like to come with me? We can figure this out together. We will talk about those hard questions, and we are going to be brave, honest, and vulnerable until we hash out a way to move forward through the dirt. 

Before we get started, though, there is something I would like you to do: Continue Reading

You can read the devotional on bible.com or your Bible App.

The devotional was adapted from Sara’s Book, Tasting Dirt. So powerful!

Would you like to become a member of God’s family? Please say the prayer below and let me know about it here.

Say this: Heavenly Father,
I acknowledge that I am a sinner. I believe you exist and you sent Jesus to die for me. I receive your love and forgiveness. Reveal yourself to me. I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Amen

Welcome to God’s family!

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