In my last reflection, I shared how the Lord has been impressing upon my heart the importance of emotional intelligence in our spiritual growth. This is not merely a secular concept; it is a spiritual discipline, an invitation from God to steward our emotions in ways that align with His will. Emotional intelligence enables us to discern the difference between our natural reactions and His divine responses, bridging the gap between what we feel and what He is forming within us.
Too often, we forget that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), empowering us to govern our inner life. Through the Spirit, we can become aware of and acknowledge the emotions that lead us away from submission and into pride or self-reliance. When emotional intelligence is coupled with spiritual intelligence, we recognize our ongoing need for the Holy Spirit—to teach us, to train us, and to empower us to remain in a posture of humility before God.
The Paradox of God’s Ways
Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us,
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
There is a paradox in how God reveals Himself. Often, He shows up in ways that contradict our human logic, challenge our comfort, and confront our pride. We envision His intervention through outcomes that feel safe, successful, or satisfying—but God’s presence is not always palatable.
When Truth Isn’t Palatable
The word palatable means “pleasant to taste” or “acceptable to the mind.” Yet truth, by its very nature, often offends before it heals. Christ Himself was not always palatable; He confronted religious norms, disrupted comfort zones, and called for repentance.
When we crave a palatable version of truth, we dilute transformation. We want God’s ways to be digestible rather than disruptive, easy to process rather than piercing to the soul. But the Gospel was never designed to please the flesh—it was designed to crucify it. And we need emotional intelligence to walk in this truth.
Jesus said in John 6:63:
“It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.”
Our emotional intelligence matures when we stop trying to make God’s ways feel right in our sight and start trusting that they are right because he is righteous. That requires humility, the humility of Christ.
The Humility of Christ
Philippians 2:5-8 offers us a powerful model:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant… He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross.”
To die to self is to walk in the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5), releasing our need to control, to comprehend, or to be right. This surrender is not passivity—it is partnership with the Holy Spirit, who sanctifies our emotions rather than suppressing them. Emotional intelligence, when yielded to God, becomes a sacred practice of aligning our inner world with His truth until our hearts reflect His peace.
Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 3:5–6,
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”
This invitation to trust is not new; it echoes the journey of Israel under the Old Covenant, when God Himself became their pillar of cloud by day and fire by night (Exodus 13:21–22). In seasons of uncertainty, the Israelites could not chart their own path—they had to trust the divine movement of God’s presence to guide them through unknown terrain. Likewise, under the New Covenant, we are called to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), allowing the indwelling Spirit to lead us through the wilderness of our emotions, ambitions, and human reasoning.
To trust God in this way is to embrace both the cloud that conceals and the fire that reveals, acknowledging that Yahweh always shows up, though not always in the way we expect. The question remains: will we recognize Him when He does? Will we accept His help when it disrupts our plans? Too often, it is our ignorance, our insistence on understanding before obeying—that blinds us to His presence, His provision, and His peace.
Trust, then, becomes the doorway through which transformation begins. When we release our demand for clarity, we make room for divine direction. The wilderness seasons of our lives are not punishments; they are classrooms of trust, holy spaces where God trains our hearts to depend on Him above all else. Just as Israel learned to move only when the cloud lifted and to rest when it settled, we too are called to move in rhythm with the Spirit’s leading. It is here, in the rhythm of trust and surrender, that the process of dying to self begins. Every moment of uncertainty becomes an invitation to yield, to lay down our own understanding, and to find life in obedience. For it is in dying that we truly begin to live.
Dying to Self: The Process of Transformation
Dying to self is not a single act; it is a sacred process, a continual yielding of our will to the will of the Father. Jesus modeled this in the Garden of Gethsemane when He prayed, “Not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). In that moment, He showed us that surrender is not weakness; it is the highest form of strength, the kind that trusts the Father’s hand even when the path leads through suffering.
This death to self is the gateway to true life. Jesus declared, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The cross is not only a symbol of salvation—it is a daily call to die to pride, fear, and self-sufficiency. It invites us to exchange the weight of our understanding for the wisdom of the Spirit, and our earthly reasoning for heavenly revelation.
Under the old covenant, Israel’s transformation was external laws written on tablets of stone. But under the new covenant, transformation is internal truth written on the tablets of our hearts (Jeremiah 31:33, 2 Corinthians 3:3). This means the work of dying to self happens from the inside out. The Holy Spirit sanctifies our emotions, reshapes our motives, and renews our minds until Christ is formed within us (Galatians 4:19).
This process, though painful, produces the peace of God. Each time we surrender—our opinions, ambitions, and desire to control- we create space for resurrection power to flow. Resurrection cannot come where there has been no death. The pruning that feels like loss is actually preparation for fruitfulness. As Jesus taught, “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).
So we die daily, not as those without hope, but as those who understand that every death in Christ leads to a greater life. We die to self so that the glory of God can live more fully through us.
A Biblical Plan for Dying to Self
1. Acknowledge the Struggle
Scripture: Romans 7:18–25; Psalm 139:23–24
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
- Reflection: Identify areas of pride, fear, or self-reliance that resist God’s authority.
- Action: Write them down and confess them to God. Recognize that acknowledging our limitations is the first step toward surrender.
2. Trust Beyond Understanding
Scripture: Proverbs 3:5–6; Isaiah 55:8–9
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”
- Reflection: What areas of your life do you feel compelled to control?
- Action: Surrender those areas in prayer, asking God to be both the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night in your circumstances (Exodus 13:21–22).
3. Practice Daily Surrender
Scripture: Luke 9:23; Philippians 2:5–8
“Take up your cross daily and follow me.”
- Reflection: What small daily choices reveal a desire to cling to self rather than to Christ?
- Action: Begin each day by intentionally offering your will to God: your plans, your agenda, and even your emotions.
Scripture: Romans 12:2; Colossians 3:2
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
- Reflection: How have worldly thinking patterns influenced your decisions or perceptions of God?
- Action: Meditate on Scripture daily, replacing self-centered thoughts with God-centered truth.
Scripture: Philippians 2:3–4; Galatians 5:13
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
- Reflection: How can serving others help you let go of control and pride?
- Action: Commit to acts of service—small or large—that prioritize others’ needs over your own comfort.
6. Embrace the Pruning
Scripture: John 12:24; Hebrews 12:11
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
- Reflection: Where is God pruning your heart, and why might it feel uncomfortable?
- Action: Choose to welcome His pruning, trusting that every moment of surrender strengthens your spiritual fruitfulness.
Spiritual Activation: Yielding Your Heart to God
Take a few moments to engage with God intentionally. This activation is designed to help you step into the process of dying to self while cultivating emotional and spiritual intelligence:
- Reflect and Identify
- Write down three areas of your life where you have resisted surrender—moments where your desire for control or understanding has overshadowed trust in God.
- Next to each area, note how these moments have affected your peace, relationships, or spiritual growth.
- Exchange Your Will for His
- For each area, pray:
“Lord, I surrender this to You. Teach me to trust Your timing and Your way, even when I do not understand. Holy Spirit, empower me to yield fully to Your leading.”
- For each area, pray:
- Visualize His Presence
- Close your eyes and picture God as both pillar of cloud by day and fire by night (Exodus 13:21–22), guiding you through uncertainty, illuminating your path, and protecting you as you step forward in obedience.
- Symbolic Act of Surrender
- If possible, write the areas you are surrendering on a piece of paper. Tear, burn, or safely discard it as a tangible act of giving control to God, acknowledging that His wisdom surpasses your understanding.
- Commit to Daily Practice
- Set aside 5–10 minutes each day to check in with your emotions, submit them to God’s truth, and ask the Spirit to help you walk in humility, peace, and obedience.
Closing Prayer of Surrender
Heavenly Father,
I thank You for always showing up, even when I cannot comprehend Your ways. Forgive me for holding on to control, leaning on my own understanding, or resisting Your work in my heart. Teach me to trust You fully, to die to self-daily, and to allow Your Spirit to sanctify my emotions, my thoughts, and my will.
Lord, help me to walk in humility like Christ, to embrace Your guidance as both cloud and fire, and to yield my life completely to Your purposes. Let every area of surrender become a doorway for Your resurrection power to flow in and through me.
I choose today to trust, to obey, and to live by Your Spirit, even in uncertainty. Thank You, Father, for Your faithfulness, Your presence, and Your love that never fails.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
